Thursday, October 20, 2005

fire damage

I have been feeling very uninspired lately to write anything. sorry aboot that.

In the intrest of keeping this baby going, I rummaged through some pictures on my computer. this led me to want to talk about this:

this is what a garage looks like after a peice of plastic ignites and smolders for more than 10 hours. on the right of the picture is the carcass of a fan that evidently overheated, lit on fire, and smoked all night long.

for those of you who have ever thrown a peice of plastic in a campfire, you know it burns for a long time (realitive to the size) and makes a discusting black, oily soot. this happened in my garage, and what you see is when the soot settled.

the soot made a blanket of black hell on every horizontal surface in the garage. including any closed drawer, not semi-airtight bin, or closed cabinet. you can see this layer on the floor. it has alot of footprints, due to me walking around saying "ahh jeeze" and rubbing the back of my neck. but before that it looked like a fine covering of black snow. satan's snow, you might say. notice the tire tracks. my wife's (POS) car was in the garage and she got whooped(the car not my wife). check it out:

I think I see the Virgin Mary in the hood.

the kids next door told me 'nice paint job'. (I stole their bikes and hid them later that day)

whats more, the wreckage of burning fan decided to lean against the car whilst dying, in an effort to stand-up, shot-cowboy style, and left this eye-sore on the car:

thats melted paint folks. it won't scratch off with your fingernail.

and since insurance companies are kind, understanding folks, looking after my best intrest, we had to claim this on the auto policy (as opposed to the damage in the garage, which was homeowners), so we had to pay to deductables and now we have two claims.

"But wait", I said to the claims adjuster. "My car was in the house, shouldn't that be on my homeowners policy?"

"no, silly boy", he laughed. and then he threatend that anymore questions like that will raise my deductables.

wait! theres more! the soot came in the house and dusted the inside of the house, covering eerything I hold close to my heart. in fact, it may have made it to my heart. I say this b/c we woke up with soot in our nostrils like we were fricking coal miners. But don't worry folks, this kind of plastic just produces dioxin in its soot, which is a carcinogen. I think it is compeletly localized in my brain and bones, so I should be fine.

to make matters worse, this was days after Katrina hit the mainland, so every fire and flood restoration company high-tailed it down to the south. So finding a restoration company was no picnic.

This story does have a happy ending. The wife is now driving a new (to her) 03' Nissan Altima. I, on the other hand, am religated to driving the POS that you see picutred above because of the gas-milage it gets. it has since been cleaned and re-painted, but remains a POS. The upshot for me is we also got new furnature (since our old stuff was covered with oily-soot, that tends to not come out so good). This includes "god's chair" which is pretty damn awesome. Remember, you can't sit in it. Mine!

maybe later we can celebrate some pictures of my chair. pictures of the chair, me sleeping in the chair, me hugging the chair, etc.

This is the face I made the first time I sat in the chair:

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
oh, your first time? then you are in for a treat my friend. there are plenty of humerous posts to keep you busy for days on end.

btw, it is proper ettiquette not to use names in a blog. threfore, your post has been sent straight to hell.

actually it was reposted by me with the names changed to silly nicknames.
Wow. Porkchop directed me to this website. So this is what it's like being in Zeek's head. Nice. Sorry about the soot. Did you at least make the most of it and sweep up the mess while singing, "Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim charooo."
Thanks, Zeeb. You can teach me blog etiquette as we go along.

ps I got kitties. Their names are Spacenut and Talula. (following blog etiquette, I didn't use their real names)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
thanks bean, i have erased your comment in case some bandit wants to snatch it.
Who you callin Porkchop, Fluggysnut? I prefer to be addressed by my full name, "The Other White Meat"... oh wait that sounds real derogatory.
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Fire is such an powerful calamity that it can turn anything into ashes. If you have been a victim of house fire its the correct time to file for fire damage claim.
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