Friday, December 08, 2006

How to get out of a christmas party at work

We are having a holiday party at work today at 3:00. I have been thinking of excuses not to go all morning. At some point, some of my coworkers are going to come to my desk and ask me to come to the party. Here are some ideas I might use to get out of it:

“I need to stay at my desk because I didn’t wear pants today.”

Tell them that I will be there in 15 minutes because I need to finish-up an email to someone about ‘this stupid jerk who wants me to go to some lame-o Christmas party’.

“Nahhh…I had sweaty cheese cubes and warm diet coke for lunch”

Ostentatiously tap my keyboard loudly and tell them how busy I am.

Sing “Do you hear what I hear?” in a high-pitched voice and stare into space until they leave.

As that person is talking to me, I’ll overtly pick up the phone and call that person’s desk phone. Right before it rings I’ll say “I think you have a phone call” and point to their desk. Then I’ll hang up as they go to get it. Repeat until they leave me alone.

“That’s okay. I am going to a virtual Christmas party online at 3:00 with my ‘my little pony' chatroom buddies.”

Tell them that when I interact with my co-workers in a social setting, I can no longer tell them apart from my regular friends and I end up calling them all "Brad".

“Have everyone come in here.” [point to cubical]

“Are there grapes in the Jell-o? If there isn’t grapes in the Jell-o then I am just not interested“.

“I don’t know about you, but I usually celebrate Christmas on the 25th.”

“I don’t go to the holiday parties anymore. Last year the Phil's secretary tried to pour pudding down my pants.”

“I think I will skip it and just go to the after-party”

Act like I am too busy drinking my Diet Coke.*

Say, “This is all the Christmas party I need” and pat my front shirt pocket as though a flask of scotch was in it.

Claim that I don't celebrate it ever since they started calling it 'X-mas'

“Santa told me he would rather me spend time at my desk surfing Wikipedia eating the christmas cookies that he told you to get me from the party.” If they insist, keep telling them "I couldn't do that to Santa."

Don’t acknowledge their presence and stare at my screen while feverishly typing “please go away”.

Tell them that celebrating Christmas is against my Christian Beliefs.

When they come and ask me to go to the party, turn around my computer screen that shows a festive power-point slide that says “Fuck your Christmas party, jackass!”.

* Ala the Dean [Jeremy Pivens] in “Old-School”.

I think I like "Have everyone come in here."

You could also keep saying "I didn't bring a gift."

Even after they explain you didn't need to.
I like going to the one where i work because I usually get a pretty good buzz there. I always stay pretty late and end up taking home a bunch of leftover food and wine. Also they always have a drawing for some kind of cool electronic device.
That is everything that this party isn't.
i like the one where you said "look busy drinking my diet coke"! that one is funny!

i also like the phone call one
I just wondered out loud if "I could just go home" in leu of goign to the party.

then I told myself "The greatest Christmas Gift of all is the gift of leaving work".

man, i wish someone was around to hear that.
you didnt miss anything at the pony get together just some sweaty ham cubes and warm diet big k cola
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