Thursday, May 14, 2009

What happens when I work-out

In an effort to be a better person, I started working out during my lunch break at work. There is a YMCA near my work that I am a member of.

Like most people with a shred of self-awareness, I adhere to a certain code of the locker room. Most of you probably get this. Don't overexpose yourself, don't look directly at people when they are naked, don't leave your stuff everywhere, limit socializing, in general, act like it is a shared space in which you change clothes, shower, and use the toilet. This is the social contract in which everyone maintains dignity.

Of course, there are those of us that do not subscribe to this philosophy. we might freely walk from shower to locker without bothering to cover up ourselves. We might try to conduct conversations in the midst of a loud bowel movement. These are all very moderate on the scale of inappropriate behavior.

In the time it took for me to come into the locker room, take off my work-out clothes, fold them and put them in my gym bag, change back into work clothes, and lock my locker, there was a man was standing at the sink of the locker room completely naked, using the sink and doing other miscallious sink-related tasks.

He had a huge unkept, white santa clause beard, a huge beer belly, and in general looked like a wandering vagrant. Under his beer belly, there was a clear view of his masculine parts, which again, he had no problem sharing with the rest of the room.

I was horrified.

I couldn't go up to the sink to do my usual hand/face washing because I didn't want to get that close to someone who clearly doesn't have the consideration to cover himself up. It would have been akward, and kind of weird, to be a fully clothed man using the sink next to the naked man brushing his hair. I probably would have felt like we were in his bathroom at home and he just got out of the shower.

Besides, I was afraid he would try to help me get a paper towel or something, and bump into me and maybe rub his genitals on my shorts or maybe my exposed hand. So I stayed at my locker, and I kept trying to stall, hoping that he would go back to his locker area, but he kept hanging out up there.

As I said above, it is best to limit your nakedness in these situations. At the least, you should try to stay in the shower area, or the locker area, where there is some limited cover there, and the expectation that people walking in there, that others might be naked.

In case you don't understand this, look at the diagram below.

As you can see, this guy was in the middle of the room (blue x). naked. Like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

I was stuck between two rows of lockers (black), waiting for him to go away.

At one point, he went back to his locker (green x) and I thought the coast was clear, but he returned to the sink wearing only his shirt. Not his underware, his shirt. This was the first garmet he thought he'd put on while he finished combing his hair. Unfortunatly, I noticed that when it was time for him to put on his underware, he had his bare ass sitting on the locker room benches.

That was the cherry on top of this little episode.

the end

Reading this was the highlight of my day. There should be more diagrams in people's blogs.
funny blog dude!
What's more disturbing to me is that the stalls are in the same room as the lockers. That means you'll almost always have an audience when you're number twoing. Sounds and smells emminating into the locker room! Weak.
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