Thursday, December 22, 2005

I am very serious

listen here folks. go to this site. it is the same one from 3 posts back, but no one i have talked to went. it is awesome and you will be glad you did. report back here if you went.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

horsemarm stories

I was thinking in the car today about all the fantastic lies that my dad told me:

“I was raised by Indians.” Or: “The Indians taught me how to : [ plumbing, make spaghetti, drive a car, or whatever we happened to be doing at the time] ”

“When you say bad things about your dad your arm will grow out of your coffin when you die and turn into a tree.“

There are many more, but I have tried to block them out because they damaged my psyche. If you have ever seen Big Fish, that guy is my dad. Well, kinda. He isn’t as big as a liar as the guy on big fish, but if there ever was a person like that guy in real life it is my dad. He was always making up some bullshit story.

I thought that it is pretty important to maintain this legacy and tell a bunch of horsemarm stories to my daughter:

Here is a start:

“I won you on a game show”

“I won your mother’s hand in marriage by winning a jousting contest against the dark knight.”

“One time I had to knock out Santa.”

“When you were born Cooper stopped talking and standing on his hind-legs”

“When I was little, people wore shirts as their pants and pants as their shirts.”

“When you were a baby I had to rescue you from trolls.”

“Cheerios are made of ground-up dinosaur bones.”

"I met Elmo in real life a few times and he was always drinking and swearing"

“One time I went to the zoo and rescued a 5 year-old from the piranha tank that had lions swimming in it.”

“I won the Nobel Prize for slam-dunking”

“The Jabberwocky always hides my car keys”

Thursday, December 15, 2005


hello. we would like to send out christmas cards/ announcments for my daughter being born. Most of you visiting this site are my close friends, and I would like to send you one, so you can put it on your fridge for the world to see.

I don't want to give out my email here, because it would reveal my last name, but it is:

where ln is my last name, which you should probably know.

anyway, do me this favor and email me your addresses.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

neato site.

if i were you, i would look at this pronto. it is so cool.

also, i wouldn't linger too long on that site, if you value your job.

random hooie, reply from sen. bayh

I have the following to report:

today I called my daughter (almost 2 weeks old) a "Fussy-Bussy". I have been saying all kinds of gay slogans like that since she was born.

me and the wife have a pretty good system when it comes to looking after our bundle-of-joy. We have it going to where if my wife needs to sleep in, or get extra sleep at night, she pumps (she is breast-feeding) some milk and puts it in a bottle for me. We do this at least once every night, so I stay up until 12 or 1 am to feed alex, and my wife can go to sleep early. Then she feeds her at night a bunch straight from the source. Last night was the first time that I had to feed alex every time she was hungry. Holy cow! She is a fatty! She wanted to eat like every 2 hours.

What a fatass.

But seriously I have enjoyed fathership thus far. We are all having a good time and I am really enjoying taking some time off school and the lab and spending it with my wife and new bundle-of-joy.

Update: her poops have changed from black oatmeal to brown watered-down cottage cheese (small curd). they are much easier to handle. you should have seen the black oatmeal stuff. It was horrible! it was slathered from her belly button downward. it looked like someone dunked her ass in molasses.

my best-homey sassmouth started a blog, called "dynamite skills", it is on my link bar on the right. It turns out he is using “dynamite” as a adjective and not as a noun.

I thought I had a water leak in my house, because my water bill doubled for november. So, i have spent a lot of time trying to diagnose the source. Long story short, I went into the crawlspace to try to find it. If you have ever been in any house’s crawlspace, you know that is the worst place in the house. The good news is that I didn’t have a leak, I just have been using a lot of water lately.

So I got that going for me.

I didn’t see any creatures, but I was ultra-paranoid and I got some cobwebs in my hair, mouth, and down my pants. Actually I did see some mice but they were in a postmortem state.

They tasted terrible.

Cooper had some very glamorous headshots done, his portfolio is looking pretty impressive these days.

I just found out that my lab is approved for a protocol that has held me up for about a month. This is great news, as my thesis work has been at a stand-still for that long waiting for one final experiment. My thesis paper is nearly done. I just have to add the results of that experiment, do some simple formatting, dot some t’s, cross some i’s, bada-bing, bada-boom. I paid an old student of mine $100 to format it for me. That was sweet b/c formatting is a waste of my life. I think it will be about 250 pages when I am done. About 100 pages of that is code, but that is still serious business. before this i am sure my longest paper was about 40 pages. Then my defense in January, which I am sure will sap all of my man-strength. please pray, chant, or think about me when this happens.

Being married has many merits. I have only bought one item for anyone for Christmas this year, yet we are done Christmas shopping. Thank you, dear.

I got a reply from Senator Bayh regarding my concern about the avian flu (it is below). About 3 days after I wrote a letter to him (and wrote this blog), I found out that S.1821 was passed (maybe altered some before being passed).

anyway, check it out:

Dear Friend:
Thank you for contacting me regarding avian influenza. I appreciate hearing your thoughts and share your concerns. Leading experts believe it is only a matter of time before this deadly disease reaches the United States. Like you, I think we must take steps now to prevent and prepare for a possible avian flu pandemic.

Avian flu poses a critical danger to our country, which is why I have been working in the Senate for some time to improve our nation's preparedness for a future pandemic. On February 15, 2005, I reintroduced legislation I first proposed with bipartisan support after the 2003 flu season to address the influenza vaccine shortage in a comprehensive manner and break the vaccine shortage and delay cycles we have been experiencing for four out of the last six years. This bill, S. 375, the Flu Protection Act of 2005, would establish a flu vaccine public awareness campaign with education and outreach efforts, ensure a sufficient supply of the vaccine is available, encourage more companies to manufacture flu vaccines in the United States, and require the Department of Health and Human Services to develop contingency plans for the distribution of vaccinations in the case of a pa! ndemic. The bill also includes $150 million per year for five years to fund research into new technologies and requires the development of a protocol to prevent, prepare for, and respond to a potential future pandemic.

On September 29, 2005, I cosponsored an amendment to the Fiscal Year (FY) 2006 Department of Defense Appropriations Act to set aside $3.9 billion in emergency funds to prevent and prepare for a potential avian flu pandemic. The amendment provides funding for global surveillance, increase domestic vaccine manufacturing capacity, improving state and local public health preparedness, risk communication with the public, and stockpiling of anti-virals and medical supplies. The Senate adopted this amendment by voice vote.

In addition, on October 5, 2005, I joined a number of my Senate colleagues in introducing comprehensive legislation to prepare the nation for an avian flu outbreak. S. 1821, the Pandemic Preparedness and Response Act, would, among other provisions, create a new Director of Pandemic Preparedness and Response to coordinate federal pandemic flu efforts, provide funding to produce, develop, and distribute a vaccine for avian flu, and strengthen our public health infrastructure. The bill also incorporates several components of the Flu Protection Act to improve our vaccine manufacturing capacity.

S. 375 has been referred to the Senate Finance Committee, while S. 1821 has been referred to the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee. Rest assured, I will continue my work to improve this nation's preparedness for an avian flu pandemic.

Again, thank you for contacting me. I hope the information I have provided is helpful. My website,, can provide additional details about legislation and state projects, and you can also sign ‑up to receive my monthly e ‑newsletter, The Bayh Bulletin, by clicking on the link at the top of my homepage. I value your input and hope you will continue to keep me informed of the issues important to you.

Sincerely,Evan Bayh

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

politics shmolitics

I decided to take a "political test" this morning. This is what i found:

Social Moderate: 50% permissive
Economic Moderate: 41% permissive

I am best described as a : CENTRIST

I thought this was the case, but i figured i would take this test anyhow. I don't know how accurate this test is, considering one of the questions asked me how i felt about two consenting adults battleing each other in a fight-to-the-death. (i said no, although it would be sweet, star-trek style)

Being a centrist has merits and flaws. One of the bad things is that i have no alligences. Which, according to Dante', means i am going straight to hell. The good thing is that I can vote for whatever canidate I feel is the best leader overall, regardless of party. I have been doing this since i can remember. I believe that a moderate approach to law making is the best for everyone.

everyone who knows me thinks i am a democrat b/c i hate bush. I am here to tell you that isn't so true. I vote republican all the time. I vote almost all repulicans locally in 2004 (including the gov.), and for instance, I would have [most likely] voted for Bush Sr. and Reagan. And if McCain runs (and wins the primaries) in 2008, i will probably vote for him. I just hate Bush with a stabbing hatered. that's all that is.

now, the test i took was at here are some neato pictures and graphs and whatnots that you can see after you take the test:

This picture is pretty self-explainatory.

This one shows some famous people and their polictial stance:
I would vote for darth vader if he was running for president. Vader 2008!

what is that thing by bin laden's fo'head? it looks lijke a pen or something.

This one shows the stances of people voting in the 2004 election. it conserns me how many people scored in the facists and socialist regions. I dunno, i guess this isn't a map of intensity, or counts, but i still would have expected more white in those areas.

Monday, December 12, 2005

strange mid-night utterances

I woke up in the middle of the night last night and asked my wife...

"Did I set the alarm on the diapers?"

At first it made perfect sense, although she was just like "huh?", and then i realized what i said was total horsemarm, and i went back to bed.

This morning when i remembered that, my mind was in a flurry of activity trying to figure out why in the world I would say that.

any thoughts?

update on fathership

I have been reluctant to write a post lately. I have been trying to think of a way to convey what fathership will do to a man, and I have given up. To borrow the cliché, it is indescribable. I recently had this conversation with my homeboy Bleach, and I said I should say that. So I did and now we can move on.

Speaking of Bleach, I recently went to his house, and went to the bathroom and found this on the counter next to his bathtub....


They were all wet, so my suspicion was that he uses them for bath-time-fun. He later confirmed my suspicion when he said, “Did you see my Little Ponies? I use them for bath-time-fun.”

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Alexandra is here!

Alexandra was born on Saturday 3rd, 2005. she weighs 7 lbs, 7 oz, and is 22.5 inches long.

we are very happy. Melissa had a uneventful pregancy and everyone is healthy. so far, fatherhood is a real joy, although I leave doo-doo clean-up to the wife. I will let you know if i change once i have to clean up doo doo. her doo doo is very special. it has the consistancy of oatmeal and is slathered all over her hindquarters after a poop.
gotta go

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Thursday, December 01, 2005


pets are silly creatures.

I love to sing to my pets. they love it too.

It is a good way to pass the time whilst doing stuff around the house, and they are a great audience. I usually take a song, and keep the tune but ad-lib the lryics to suit the animal i am singing to. i usually try to put their names in the songs, they like that.

for instance just recently i was singing the song "Mindy"*, but subsitituted in Cooper's name.

how fun!

I want to be clear here, I don't sit them down and make eye contact while belting out some song, I usually just sing around them when i am makign dinner, or breakfast. This started about a year ago when i would sing to my kitty Blaise, who loved it. you see, Blaise Loved everything. I could slap this cat right on his belly fat and he would love the hell out of it. He liked it when i talked to him, so eventually it turned into me singing to him.

its funny how slowly a neruosis like this evolves.

of course, Blaise went to live with Bleach, (the second kitty i have lost) and now i just sing to Cooper. Cooper is also a very happy pup,(and glamerous) although I doubt he cares I am singing. All he seems to care about is if i have a handful of cheetoes or not. However, it is a good way to spend some otherwise boring activity and have some interaction with your doggie. (see this link for how to liven up grocery shopping!)

besides, i need to interact with him somehow! since i have a strict "no petting" stance, this is the only way he gets any attention.

*update: I was just told the real name to this song is "Mandy".

just for fun, here is a cute picture of cooper playing with a remote control robot.

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