Sunday, February 15, 2009


I went on a Diet last week.

I made sure to let everyone at the office know this, because it is the best defence against pigging-out. Someone is always bringing in candy, nuts, popcorn, or some kind of snack to work. A new guy moved in and he constantly has a huge bowl of peanut M&Ms on his desk! Do you know how big of a deal that is?

Anyway, nine out of ten times someone tells me that I am in no need of a diet. At that point, I tell them:

"My pants are getting tight."
"I am trying to maintain my weight."

Both of these statements are true and will not cause a me to lose status at the workplace amongst other men.

Here are some statements that will:

" I need to look good in a swimsuit this summer."
" I think I look fat."
" I need to fit into my skinny jeans."

Here is a picture of someone eating.

What they don't understand is that I have a system:

For the past 4 years or so, I usually go on a diet for about 1 month in the spring to shead what I have gained in the previous 11 months. After that, I can go back to a quasi-healthy diet with sprinkled-in beer and fast food. It works pretty well.

This year, I tried the South Beach Diet. This was a horrible idea. It is bascially like the Atkins diet. On paper, the idea is total hogwash. The primise of it is to not eat any refined sugars or carbs of any kind. I would say that 50% of my diet up to this point was carbs. I should have known my body was goign to revolt.

I did what the book said and ate lots of meat, cheese, and other non-carb things.

I ate tacos or chili almost every day.

For days 1-6, I thought it was awesome. I would tell people: "Can you believe this is a diet?" as I ate an enormous pile of meat and cheese. I would also claim I was on an "all-chili diet". However, On day 7, I felt like I got kicked in the stomach by a donkey. I felt sick for a good part of Saturday night, and there was some other unpleasantness that I would rather not talk about.

That was the end of that. I figured I would take a break, and then start up next week on another more healthy diet. I started this plan this morning with 4 Hurshey's kisses.

I did lose 4 pounds in that week though. Booya.

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