Tuesday, August 08, 2006

car and plane defensive driving

Yesterday I went to a “defensive driving” class in Clark county. I was actually offended by how unorganized and useless the whole thing was. It was really more of a punishment rather than a learning opportunity. It was scheduled to be from 5:00 pm to 10:00 pm. I arrived on time at 5:00 and we all waited until 5:30, so that some one could put a VCR tape in for us to watch. The room was enormous and was not conducive to watching a 27” television at all. There were at least 100 people there. I couldn’t see the TV at all. It was understood that we would not be tested on what we watched. So, no one watched and most everyone talked or slept. I pity the people who actually listened. I considered lying on the floor for sleep, or sneaking off. I ended up drawing pictures, reading a book I brought, and playing games on my phone.

It was funny, because the next speaker (retired insurance attorney) waddled in and decided that the movie was over. It wasn’t even finished yet! He just turned it off, with the guy on the TV in the middle of a story. He then taught us all a “good lesson about driving responsibly”. What he actually did was make ludicrous analogies like stating that you should check your car the same way a pilot checks his airplane before taking off. (guages, cowlings, tires, widgets, do-hickies, etc.) Who in the world invests that much time checking their car before they get in it?

I swear he must have went over an entire pilot's flight plan, because he went on with this anaolgy for at least 30 minutes. he took at least 60 seconds to discribe what an altimeter was. It was like he was so engrossed in describing plane safty, that he forgot that he was supposted to be talking about car safty.


Then he went into the standard scare session, where he wanted to scare us into being better drivers. His insightful speech included such memorable phrases as: “your car is a loaded weapon”, “driving is a privilege”, and he said: “ … well … he’s dead now” at least 3 separate times.

He also claimed that someone was killed by a box of tissues when they got in a car wreck going 30 miles per hour. How absurd. Look, I can throw a box of tissues at least 30 miles per hour, and if I hit you in the most tender of areas, it won’t kill you. What a buffoon. Regardless, I am sure over 99% of the class believed it. You probably believe it.


Anyway, he lets us out 3 hours early, which further confirmed that it was such a royal waste of time, that even the instructors wanted to leave.

I knew I was home-free when he asked if anyone had questions. Unfortunatly, some people in the class had to bitch about semi-trucks, or argue the injustice of their tickets, as if this were the proper place to do that. I am pretty sure you should have went to court if you think you were innocent. So that ate up another half-hour.

I have never been so relieved when something was over.

I bet you feel the same way about this blog.


Comments:
It sounds like study hall or detention in high school. You never said why you had to go to the class.
 
speeding ticket (speeding trap, actually)
 
this is one of the funniest blogs i have ever read. i think its because i am also a perpetual student of the defensive driving class and your description rings so true. by the time i finished w/ the part about the tissue box, i was laughing so hard that people were looking at me over the cubie walls here at work.
 
someone feels my pain!

i forgot to add that i almost got a ticket today going north on I-65.
 
dude not funny you are not showing any respect to any of the loved ones in all the tissue related deaths, in canada it has become an epidemic, i had to spend an entire day in my driving class i hear all these storys like yours of going home early and no tests on crizzzappy 1981 driving videos, we had to stay the whole day 9am to 5pm and took like 5 different tests it sucked, we all had to turn off all cellphones, this lady took it too seriously, we did get to eat while there so when she let us on break i went to the subway and came back and ate a footlong and chips while she was talking i almost couldnt eat because i wanted to laff
 
holy smokes cow! that entire paragraph was one continuous run-one sentence! :P

don't worry, i cleaned it up for you:

Dude, that is not funny! You are not showing any respect to any of the loved ones in all the tissue related deaths. In Canada it has become an epidemic. I had to spend an entire day in my driving class. I hear all these stories like yours of going home early and no tests on crizzzappy 1981 driving videos! We had to stay the whole day from 9 am to 5 pm. We took like 5 different tests. It sucked. We had to turn off all of our cell phones. This lady took it too seriously. Although, we did get to eat while we were there, so when she let us on break I went to Subway and came back and ate a foot-long and chips. While she was talking I almost couldn’t eat because I wanted to laugh.
 
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