mindsquirt

Today I had a funny conversation with someone at work. She is one of my favorites because she is one of the only people here that I can joke around with. I didn't hold back on my sarcasm.

Me: How are you gals doing today? (talking to her and another nearby ‘gal’)
Her: (dejected) Oh, I am at work, you know.
Me: Oh! That is an okay attitude to have… I guess… Best of luck in life with that attitude.
Her: You could make me feel better buy buying one of those wreathes (points to catalog). That would not only make my day, but my entire life.
Me: Your entire life? I am not sure it is worth it.
Her: You are probably right.
Me: No, seriously, I will look at them later. Although my wife usually handles wreathes.
Her: Make sure to tell her they are real…
Me: Real how?
Her: Made of live material.
Me: So they are useless next year?
Her: (blank look) …. Yeah.
Me: I’ll make sure to tell her that.
Her: (irritated look)
Me: No, I am kidding, I will buy one for each window.

This reminds me of one of my favorite interactions with coworkers here. I was opening a door to a stairwell and as I opened it, I saw two of my coworkers, both of which I didn’t know that well. One was hunched-over vomiting (girl my age). The other (older man) was patting her back. I think on most days, I would have asked if I could help, immediately gotten paper towels and such... I am a helpful, take-charge kinda guy. I could have at least asked, “Are you okay?” which is only a mild commitment to the event and at least acknowledges that there is someone voiding their stomach in plain sight. Instead, without taking a moment to consider the events, I did a 180 and closed to the door behind me and took the elevator.

Later, I was thinking how I deftly dodged the bullet of having to clean up vomit, and witnessing the shame that coincides with vomiting in public. I wrote an email to my friend Mike a couple days shortly after:

Me:
Did I tell you the story about the girl throwing up in the stairwell?
There was a grad student throwing up in the stairwell, and one of the PhDs patting her on the back in a “there-there” way. Instead of helping, (paper towels and the like), I turned around and just went away.
She just came to my desk. I hope she knows that she is forever the throwing-up girl in my mind
Mike:
You should say something to her about it to embarrass her.
Me:
If I had some cookies, I could say “do you want me to toss a cookie?”
Or I could say “hurl me that pen”
Etc.

The last 3 places I have worked have always had an ample supply of free snacks. The place I work now has as much quality candy (Take 5s and Reese’s cups), pretzels, and animal crackers as I want. The last place I worked at was always stocked up on Klondike bars. The place before that didn’t have an abundance of free snacks, but they had an awful lot of hot dogs floating around. I am eager to see what the next place is going to be like. If this trend continues I am due for free lunches. Every time I go to the office to get a candy bar I act surprised that there is free candy bars. I usually let out a fake gasp or joyful squeal. This is my way of making the secretary who buys this shit feel special. I am waiting for her to say something, but she hasn’t yet. I think she tries to ignore me as much as possible. I think in her case that is a good policy.