mindsquirt

I am pretty sure my version of hell is as cold as it is outside this very moment. That is all my hell would be. Me on a park bench in 5 degree weather. I am about ready to move into a volcano.

One of the worst things about the cold as getting cold feet. From the end of November to mid-March my feet are in a constant state of uncomfortableness due to the cold. The only time they are warm is after I have been in bed for an hour or so, and I am asleep so I don't know they are warm. Sometimes when I have the chance, I use an electric blanket to warm up my toesies. I am going to start bringing it to work.

I work about a half mile from where I park. The path that I took was encumbered by at least three 2-3 foot piles of snow and trekking through 10-12 inch snow drifts. Although most of the snow was already tamped-down by previous people going into work. Let me say this though. I am glad I have my glam hiking boots. Wearing loafers in these kind of ground conditions would only exacerbate my cold-foot situation.

In the past 3 years I have worked with numerous lesbians and met their girlfriends. Like me, all of them tend to wear hiking boots (even in non-hiking situations). I am not sure what to think about this coincidence.

Hiking boots help with traction as well. Last week I slipped. I had my hands in my pockets so I couldn't break my fall with my hands. I had to awkwardly twist my body mid-fall to keep from breaking the fall with my face. Don't worry though, the entire weight of my 185-lb frame landed on my keys which was conveniently re-directed to my hip.

When I was at IU-Bloomington I had one of the most disastrous and embarrassing falls in a life time. Again, I had my hands in my pockets, so any last-ditch graceful recovery was out of the question. I was walking down an inclined walkway, that apparently someone sabotaged by spraying it with a garden hose. I saw the ice yet decided to walk on it anyway. I saw about a dozen people walk around it moments before I fell. But I thought that somehow I was special and the low-friction rules of ice didn’t apply to me.

Anyway, I slipped and my feet went backwards and the rest of my body went forward. Since it was an incline, I somehow negotiated the fall to where I did a front flip and landed on my back with my legs and arms sprawled. People laughed and some 90 lb Asian girl helped me up.

I guess that is what I get for being cocky. And thus the circle is complete.

Okay, I have had enough of these cold feet. I am going to go get some coffee to pour into my boots.


P.S. I just bought $133 a piece tires for $74 a piece online. They didn’t have the $74 tires so the salesmen hooked me up with their primo $133 tires for free! I hope someone is happy about this monumental deal because no one else seems to care.