Tuesday, December 20, 2005
horsemarm stories
I was thinking in the car today about all the fantastic lies that my dad told me:
“I was raised by Indians.” Or: “The Indians taught me how to : [ plumbing, make spaghetti, drive a car, or whatever we happened to be doing at the time] ”
“When you say bad things about your dad your arm will grow out of your coffin when you die and turn into a tree.“
There are many more, but I have tried to block them out because they damaged my psyche. If you have ever seen Big Fish, that guy is my dad. Well, kinda. He isn’t as big as a liar as the guy on big fish, but if there ever was a person like that guy in real life it is my dad. He was always making up some bullshit story.
I thought that it is pretty important to maintain this legacy and tell a bunch of horsemarm stories to my daughter:
Here is a start:
“I won you on a game show”
“I won your mother’s hand in marriage by winning a jousting contest against the dark knight.”
“One time I had to knock out Santa.”
“When you were born Cooper stopped talking and standing on his hind-legs”
“When I was little, people wore shirts as their pants and pants as their shirts.”
“When you were a baby I had to rescue you from trolls.”
“Cheerios are made of ground-up dinosaur bones.”
"I met Elmo in real life a few times and he was always drinking and swearing"
“One time I went to the zoo and rescued a 5 year-old from the piranha tank that had lions swimming in it.”
“I won the Nobel Prize for slam-dunking”
“The Jabberwocky always hides my car keys”
“I was raised by Indians.” Or: “The Indians taught me how to : [ plumbing, make spaghetti, drive a car, or whatever we happened to be doing at the time] ”
“When you say bad things about your dad your arm will grow out of your coffin when you die and turn into a tree.“
There are many more, but I have tried to block them out because they damaged my psyche. If you have ever seen Big Fish, that guy is my dad. Well, kinda. He isn’t as big as a liar as the guy on big fish, but if there ever was a person like that guy in real life it is my dad. He was always making up some bullshit story.
I thought that it is pretty important to maintain this legacy and tell a bunch of horsemarm stories to my daughter:
Here is a start:
“I won you on a game show”
“I won your mother’s hand in marriage by winning a jousting contest against the dark knight.”
“One time I had to knock out Santa.”
“When you were born Cooper stopped talking and standing on his hind-legs”
“When I was little, people wore shirts as their pants and pants as their shirts.”
“When you were a baby I had to rescue you from trolls.”
“Cheerios are made of ground-up dinosaur bones.”
"I met Elmo in real life a few times and he was always drinking and swearing"
“One time I went to the zoo and rescued a 5 year-old from the piranha tank that had lions swimming in it.”
“I won the Nobel Prize for slam-dunking”
“The Jabberwocky always hides my car keys”
# posted by fooiemcgoo : 5:39 PM
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i agree with mindy! i still don't know half the time when he is full of Sh*$
you all have to tell me if he's lying or not.
you all have to tell me if he's lying or not.
Big Fish may be my favorite movie of all time. I don't think you are "damaged' .... I think you have been "enhanced."
However, if you try to carry your Dad into the middle of the lake to see him change and swim away, you might get a REALLY BIG surprise.
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However, if you try to carry your Dad into the middle of the lake to see him change and swim away, you might get a REALLY BIG surprise.
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